There was a time when the church was very powerful in the time when the early Christians rejoiced at being deemed worthy to suffer for what they believed. In those days the church was not merely a thermometer that recorded the ideas and principles of popular opinion; it was a thermostat that transformed the mores of society. Whenever the early Christians entered a town, the people in power became disturbed and immediately sought to convict the Christians for being “disturbers of the peace” and “outside agitators”‘ But the Christians pressed on, in the conviction that they were “a colony of heaven,” called to obey God rather than man. Small in number, they were big in commitment. They were too God intoxicated to be “astronomically intimidated.” By their effort and example they brought an end to such ancient evils as infanticide. and gladiatorial contests. [Source]
My soul drinks this in. My soul longs for a church that is revolutionary. That cry is being answered. Here in Birmingham, at a predominately white church. From the mouth of a 28 year old pastor who is pouring out cisterns of God’s grace on us. I have spent my life in churches that have not called their members to social justice and healing. I have longed for that, and the prayers of many many years are being answered. I cannot grasp the concept of God caring enough about me to put me in this place. To give me what I have been given, and to say “Drink up. This is how it’s supposed to be. You’ve wanted the right thing all along.” Our pastor said it perfectly, “The God of the universe knows how to love us each individually.” This morning, I am amazed. Praying for the intoxication that comes from being in God’s will.
A friend wrote me last night. She’s in Germany, and just visited a museum at a concentration camp. She spoke about apathy, and how this visit reminded her again why she should care. Another friend told the husband about two murders that have gone largely unreported by national media. Horrific murders. The kind that makes you cry out, “Oh God, where are you?” The kind that provoke anger, and in some cases, racism and bitterness.
I realized that’s what I’ve been struggling with. I’m trying to find my passion, the exact median between anger and apathy. For whatever reason, God has put me in a group that tends to be apathetic. But I see a little spark of hunger in them. I’m trying to find positive ways of fanning that spark.
“I will bless His name forever.” Psalm 103
I’m not sure why I’m in this place right now. I’m not sure why I struggle with those around me. I’m not sure where to go, or what to do. I’m not sure how to help.
I am sure that God is holy and everything that is good. He is just and he loves me. If I hold on to that, everything else will be taken care of.
“The life of a Christ-follower should confirm rather than contradict the Gospel.” Our pastor stated this before he lead into communion. I could only cry as I took it. I felt so unworthy. I fail, daily. I fail to have compassion for others. I fail to show Christ to my co-workers. I fail to act as the bride of Christ should. Yet, despite my failures, Christ still uses me. I am chosen by Him, dearly loved. I am His friend, and am complete in Him. I am forgiven. I am delighted in.
I’m learning to be sincere before God. To approach him with honesty and humility, acknowledging my pride and lack of love for those around me. It’s scary. I thought the brutal honesty would make me feel closer to Him. But lately, I’ve felt distant and hidden from him. It’s because I don’t spend enough time seeking Him. I expect to feel closer to Him without practice, without any quality time. This wouldn’t work with The FeeOnSay, why would I think it would work with my Creator? I’m still learning…
