Complete radio silence

Only 9 days to go.  We’re in the single digits, and getting things done.  I’m a little stressed, but The FeeOnSay is helping me stay on track.  I promise I haven’t forgotten my little web journal. 

You are the love of my life

Mary posted this song by Mason Jennings a few weeks ago.  It’s such a great song, and perfect for this time in my life.

 For the past 7 months, I have been preparing for our wedding and marriage.  We have not only survived this stressful time in our life together, it has made us stronger.  Less than 2 weeks from today, we will stand at the altar and become one.  There is nothing I want more than this.

 Be here now. 

for me, for you

I’ve been reading Mark 14 today. A phrase hit home with me, and I can’t move on from it “He began to be deeply distressed and horrified.”  Luke also says, “He prayed more fervently, and his sweat became like drops of blood falling to the ground.” Matthew and John say nothing close to this.

Whether or not you believe that Jesus was the Messiah, he existed. Other texts written during the time prove this.And he was crucified. Put to death, because he claimed to be the Messiah. Even if you do not believe, how could you not be filled with compassion for this man?

He began to be deeply distressed and horrified

Sneaky friends

My brain is mush on this warm spring morning.  The coffee is not yet the right temperature for me to drink.  I’m wearing The FeeOnSay’s high school baseball shirt.  It has my new name on the back.  It reminds me of him, even when he isn’t here.  I can’t wait to spend mornings with him. 

Our small group from church threw a surprise party for us last night.  A last celebration of the two of us separately, before we become one.  This was a first for both of us.  It was overwhelming.  At the end of the party, all of our friends prayed for us.  That we would handle each other with grace.  For God’s blessings on our lives.  I have never been so intimately connected to a group of people.  I love them, and I am so grateful God brought me to them. 

Thursday was “a very good day” as far as mail is concerned.  I received no less than three packages.  A CAOK package from African Kelli full of sewing goodness.  Another from my sister containing her beginning sewing text.  And still another from Kiehl’s with my product samples.  To top it off, my sweet G-ma RSVPd to the wedding. 

4am

I do this thing.  I procrastinate, and then I wake up early in the morning and stress about something I haven’t done.  Of course, at 4am even little meaningless details (i.e. not sending thank you cards the next week, even though I have a year to do so) become huge.  “I can’t believe I didn’t do that.”  “I always do this.”  The next day, instead of accomplishing a task, I avoid it again.  Only for it to nag me the next night.  Today, I stopped it.  I was up worrying about two things, and I’ve already accomplished them today. 

 I will marry the man I love most in three weeks.  Life is beautiful….

My morning

I’ve started walking to work.  It takes just under 25 minutes, and it has opened my eyes to my neighborhood.  My options for getting work are this: Walking 1.14 miles, or Driving, paying $50/month to park 2.5 blocks from work.   The time difference is minimal.  It takes 4 to drive, 2 to park, and another 7 to walk from the lot to the building.  When I walk, I hear La’Roi whimpering from the balcony as I walk down the hill.  I can say hello to the nuns at the Catholic school.  I smile at the children as they raise the flag, and the gentleman who is always waiting for a taxi on the corner by the Shell station.  I wave to Herman as I pass the fountain and again to the security guard just down the block.  He usually tells me what a beautiful day it is.  I have time to call my mom without worrying about multi-tasking.  I have nothing but time.  I see the blooms on the trees, not as a blur as I drive by, but in high definition detail.  My life is incredibly beautiful.  I am so blessed.

Relationship footprint

Lately I’ve been learning about my carbon footprint (Thank you Mr. Gore) and what I can do to reduce it.  I’m (slowly) reducing the materials I consume.  Attempting to recycle not only the goods I use, but also the clothing I buy.  I’m trying to buy ethically (no more Gap and Old Navy).  This is a process, of which I am only two steps past the fork in the road.  Yet my impact on those around me is so much more important than my impact on the environment.  How do I show love?  How do I stop playing favorites and treat all with equality?  It is mentally draining to be shown who you are (selfish and prejudiced), and then realize how far you have to go.  One step at at time.  One person at a time.  Walk with me?

True Compassion

“The life of a Christ-follower should confirm rather than contradict the Gospel.”  Our pastor stated this before he lead into communion.  I could only cry as I took it.  I felt so unworthy.  I fail, daily.  I fail to have compassion for others.  I fail to show Christ to my co-workers.  I fail to act as the bride of Christ should.  Yet, despite my failures, Christ still uses me.  I am chosen by Him, dearly loved.  I am His friend, and am complete in Him.  I am forgiven.  I am delighted in.

Sincerity

I’m learning to be sincere before God.  To approach him with honesty and humility, acknowledging my pride and lack of love for those around me.  It’s scary.  I thought the brutal honesty would make me feel closer to Him.  But lately, I’ve felt distant and hidden from him.  It’s because I don’t spend enough time seeking Him.  I expect to feel closer to Him without practice, without any quality time.  This wouldn’t work with The FeeOnSay, why would I think it would work with my Creator?  I’m still learning…