Bad daughter

My family has been asking for details of my life.  Apparently I don’t share enough.  So, I’ve been posting at www.rebekahburder.com.  I probably won’t be posting here as much anymore, so check in with me at my real life site.

Side note

I post on my personal website blog for my family.  If you’re interested in keeping up with my real life, and not just my ponderings, email me at perfectmoderation at gmail dot com for the address. 

3.5 hours

The Husband and I were talking last week about how much time we spend at work.  Not just the 40 hours we’re paid for, but the time spent in preparation for work, at the gym and then decompressing from the work day.  In total, we spend 12.5 hours each day thinking about work, preparing for work, or processing what happened at work.  Add that to the 8 hours of sleep we attempt to get every night, and we are left with 3.5 hours of “free” time.  Take away 1 hour each night for dinner preparations and consumption.  This leaves a maximum of 2.5 hours of quality time available.  Subtract the following:  30 minutes on Monday for volunteering, 2 hours each on Tuesday and Wednesday.   This leaves us with 8 hours together during the work week.   8. hours.  Amazing, isn’t it? 

Climax

Why is is that bad situations always have an escalation period?  Illicit affairs, drug use, troubles with relatives or friends, etc.  Is there a division of psychology devoted to this?  There should be.  It’s like learning the elements of plot in eleventh grade English:  exposition, rising action, build up, climax, falling action, resolution.  Except real life doesn’t always have a tidy resolution.  Sometimes we’re left at the climax.  

Carly

You’re so vain. You probably think this song is about you. (by vain i mean lame)

 Comment left on Facebook by my 18 year old brother.

God Intoxicated

There was a time when the church was very powerful in the time when the early Christians rejoiced at being deemed worthy to suffer for what they believed. In those days the church was not merely a thermometer that recorded the ideas and principles of popular opinion; it was a thermostat that transformed the mores of society. Whenever the early Christians entered a town, the people in power became disturbed and immediately sought to convict the Christians for being “disturbers of the peace” and “outside agitators”‘ But the Christians pressed on, in the conviction that they were “a colony of heaven,” called to obey God rather than man. Small in number, they were big in commitment. They were too God intoxicated to be “astronomically intimidated.” By their effort and example they brought an end to such ancient evils as infanticide. and gladiatorial contests. [Source]

My soul drinks this in.  My soul longs for a church that is revolutionary.  That cry is being answered.  Here in Birmingham, at a predominately white church.  From the mouth of a 28 year old pastor who is pouring out cisterns of God’s grace on us.  I have spent my life in churches that have not called their members to social justice and healing.  I have longed for that, and the prayers of many many years are being answered.  I cannot grasp the concept of God caring enough about me to put me in this place.  To give me what I have been given, and to say “Drink up.  This is how it’s supposed to be.  You’ve wanted the right thing all along.”  Our pastor said it perfectly, “The God of the universe knows how to love us each individually.”  This morning, I am amazed.  Praying for the intoxication that comes from being in God’s will.

Apathy

A friend wrote me last night.  She’s in Germany, and just visited a museum at a concentration camp.  She spoke about apathy, and how this visit reminded her again why she should care.  Another friend told the husband about two murders that have gone largely unreported by national media.  Horrific murders.  The kind that makes you cry out, “Oh God, where are you?”  The kind that provoke anger, and in some cases, racism and bitterness. 

I realized that’s what I’ve been struggling with.  I’m trying to find my passion, the exact median between anger and apathy.  For whatever reason, God has put me in a group that tends to be apathetic.  But I see a little spark of hunger in them.  I’m trying to find positive ways of fanning that spark. 

Last night

Last night, as I was sleeping,
I dreamt — marvelous error!—
that a spring was breaking
out in my heart.
I said: Along which secret aqueduct,
Oh water, are you coming to me,
water of a new life
that I have never drunk?

Last night, as I was sleeping,
I dreamt — marvelous error!—
that I had a beehive
here inside my heart.
And the golden bees
were making white combs
and sweet honey
from my old failures.

Last night, as I was sleeping,
I dreamt — marvelous error!—
that a fiery sun was giving
light inside my heart.
It was fiery because I felt
warmth as from a hearth,
and sun because it gave light
and brought tears to my eyes.

Last night, as I slept,
I dreamt — marvelous error!—
that it was God I had
here inside my heart.

Antonio Machado

Crafty Craft a Lot

My Bloglines shows how my tastes in blogs have changed over the past year.  I have them broken down by category.  ”My Girls” are blogs by females I like to read.  I feel like they’re my friends.  There is Marseeah and Lindsey, Mary, Kelly and many others.  Through them, I’ve learned about buying homes, nerve blocks, and insomnia.  I do life with them through their blogs. 

I also have “Earning Crowns” (spiritual) and ”Make Me More Interesting” (local news, photography, political opinion, etc.).  “Make Me Smarter” is now defunct, as I felt guilty for not reading the blogs.  Ever.  I would have 400 entries and then just click on them to make the guilt go away.  I just deleted the category.  I would rather not have a guilt complex over what I’m not reading.  There are no celebrity or fitness blogs.  I recently broke that addiction.  I can’t tell you how hard that is.  Seriously, comparable to quitting smoking.  And now when I do find something on CNN.com or MSNBC, I am shocked by how immature and irrelevant they are.  Seriously, dancers with goggles on?  Creating your own clothing line?  Drinking when you have a known addiction?  The word that comes to mind is dumbass (no, that was never dictionary.com’s word of the day). 

 But, the category that gets the most action is “Craft Craft a Lot.”  I track numerous blogs who are mostly devoted to crafting.  Stationary, design, sewing, knitting, quilting, painting, drawing, illustration, cooking, farming, renovations.  The list goes on and on.  I’m a crafting fiend right now.  I can’t get enough of it.  It’s mostly Kelli‘s fault.  She inspired me to try anything.  Tuesday night?  I covered Fuze bottle lids with scrap emerald green silk.  We use the bottles to store shells and other knick knacks.  I mounted and prepared paper artwork for hanging.  I then started on the tags for the tag swap I signend up for.  Last night?  I made a journal for inspirational thoughts (If you want one, email me, I’ll make you one perfectmoderation at gmail dot com).  I also created cards for the invitations I’m hoping to start creating (Again, email if you want a test batch).  And then, as if that weren’t enough, I designed more on the tags for the tag swap. 

 Seriously.  I’m a maniac.  I can’t get enough of it.  Thankfully, the Husband understands the compulsion to create.  There is only encouragement. 

 So what are you creating?  If you would like to keep up with my projects, I have a page on my personal website.  Email me and I’ll send you the link. 

bless His holy name

“I will bless His name forever.”  Psalm 103

I’m not sure why I’m in this place right now.  I’m not sure why I struggle with those around me.  I’m not sure where to go, or what to do.  I’m not sure how to help. 

I am sure that God is holy and everything that is good.  He is just and he loves me.  If I hold on to that, everything else will be taken care of.